Thirty-Five and Not Thriving — Yet: The Ramblings of a just-turned-35-year-old

a stack of colourful birthday balloons
Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash

What were you doing when you were 35?

Where were you? Did you feel a sense of accomplishment?

Were you excited and hopeful? Or were you feeling lost and scared?

I mean, we know no one really has life figured out, but were you feeling kinda somewhat settled?

Well, I just turned 35 and my emotions are all over the place!

I’m excited but I’m also scared.

I partly feel like I’m running out of time but I also remind myself that until the day you day, you still have time.

I mean, there are things that the way the world is structured you will not be able to do at different ages, but mostly, there’s still time.

That’s exciting. However, I feel like I have to start my career life afresh and that is scary!

That has me having anxiety attacks and battling feelings of being a failure.

I always remind myself that McDonald’s owner was 65! And look at Mcdonald's now.

I love this for him but I kinda don’t want to wait until I’m 65 for my life to start, you know.

And no. I am not in any way suggesting that he did not enjoy his life prior to that. I don’t know his life.

I’m just saying.

Am I alone in feeling this?

Am I tripping?

Well, the one thing I am clear about is I have to get back to writing. And not this sporadic writing I’ve been doing here. (Sorry to all you 282 humans who follow me. I’m grateful and I will totally stop taking your interest for granted)

Funny thing, I judge my writing more than anyone could ever. And perfectionism drove me to delete my very first blog because I convinced myself I was not “good enough”. And then impostor syndrome was like, “Who do you think you are to expect people to spend their time reading your words? Girl, please!”

Even though the analytics proved both perfectionism and impostor syndrome wrong, I still listened to them.

I have come close to deleting this as well. I know. And I think seeing new people follow me or like my posts has kept me going.

I’m like, “I cannot disrespect all these people just because of some misinformed fear.”

No ma’am.

So, I am committing to my writing in 35.

I am committing to making the best use of my gift in 35.

I am committing to showing up, regardless of who else shows up.

I am committing to myself and my dreams.

And I am going to do it all, afraid.

As Glennon Doyle says, “I can do hard things.”

Owning my truth, standing in my light and sharing my gift to hopefully make a difference — these are my hard things for 35.

And I do not know what the future holds, no one knows. But, I will commit to the present and to you, darling followers.

I will earn your attention. I will nurture this relationship and be present for it.

I will show up for myself.

I will choose not to betray myself anymore.

When I started writing, I did not know this was going to be a commitment post to myself and my gift and by proxy, you.

But I guess this is what my heart really wanted me to say.

To hopefully encourage another 35 or 55-year-old who might be feeling lost and confused about where they are.

From my heart to yours, you are worth the fuss, you are worth believing in, you are worth starting over for, and you are worth showing up for yourself.

As long as there’s still breath in us, we shall show up!

End of rant that I had not planned on being a rant. LOL

xoxo,

Moulding Beauty.

P.S. Thank you so much for being here. I will honour your follows.

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Adoyo Molla

Adoyo Molla

Becoming is a journey, not a destination.