Do Unto Others As You Would Like Done Unto You
Only Don’t Actually Expect others to do unto you as you do unto them
This needs to be a personal choice. Not one predicated on “if” or “when”. because then, it will be like leaving your fate in the hands of others.
No one, except for you (and God, if you are a Christian), should dictate your values or how you choose to move. Therefore, you better be sure about the boundaries you set and the path you choose. They need to be core to who you are.
If you choose to be kind, let it be regardless of how the other person shows up.
If you choose to be forgiving, even if they hold a grudge for millennia, you do you boo.
If judging others is something that you don’t want to partake in, remove yourself from the table it’s being served even though you know others will judge you.
Whatever you decide is a value to you, let it stem from the core of who you are and who you want to be — the best version of yourself. We are, after all, always evolving.
Don’t give, expecting something in return. Remember, you are only the boss of you. You can’t control other people and no one else except for you, sees life through the lens you see it from. So, expecting others to move as you move is the shortest way to you getting overly and deeply disappointed.
I know. Such a bummer! If only humans were less complicated. Sorry, this is the reality of life.
I learned this the hard way.
My Personal Experience
I made a personal choice to give people the benefit of the doubt when I first meet them. And then to be gracious to them as I get to know them. I kind of have a three-strike rule for the same behaviour.
Before I wisened up, I would be so hurt by someone with whom I had been patient and understanding if they chose to deal with me without the same gloves. It felt like a betrayal. However, they never signed up to show up like that so how could I hold them accountable for breaking rules they didn’t know existed?
It was a bitter pill to swallow because I did think my way was the better way (pride), but you know, God and life have ways of humbling you. My way is right for me just like your way is right for you. Because of free will, I get to choose if I want to rock with you once I know how you move and vice versa. But no one needs to be trying to change the other to move as they move.
Another thing is the kind of friend I choose to be.
This may have carried a deeper hurt when I realised two people can value a friendship differently.
I love and I’m protective of my friends. I go hard for them. I show up when they need me. I’m there.
However, I’ve not always received the same level of commitment. And it often hurt like crazy. It got to a point where I called myself for an evaluation meeting. (Am I in this “call self to a meeting” situation alone or do you do it too?) Anyways, the meeting was held and after careful deliberations, me, myself, and I decided that I was going to be the kind of friend that aligned with my values and belief systems. As long as my friends were not being extra in a negative way, I would allow them to show up for me the way they felt was the most authentic to them.
With that also came boundaries. There were definitely bare minimums that a friendship would have to meet for it to be considered a friendship. Otherwise, we can all just be acquaintances in these streets. And I communicate said boundaries because again, you don’t want to fail someone in a test they had no idea they were taking.
Yes, I have had to end some friendships. I did learn that I matter enough to never betray myself just to make others feel better about themselves. And as a former people-pleaser, child, that’s been quite the journey — tough but super-excited to have embarked on it.
Conclusion
I help because I enjoy helping. I almost can’t help myself from helping. I treat others how I would like to be treated because it makes me sleep better at night, with no stress. Also, because I try to base my values on the word of God, most of how I move is positive and a good way of doing things.
I hope for the best — that my actions will boomerang back to me, however, I don’t hold my breath waiting.
So, this is just an alternative way of doing life that has helped me manage my expectations of others, which has allowed me to see people more fully for who they are — whether that’s good or not.
We are all out here just trying to figure out this thing called life. No one has it figured out. That’s why we share. I hope you find something encouraging here and if not, I’m sorry, but thanks for reading anyways?
xoxo,
moulding beauty