As someone who’s lived her life being called beautiful, all I can say is a coin always has two sides. No state in life is perfect. You work with the cards you’re dealt with, pray to be a productive member of society and keep it going.

We do not choose the body we are born into yet we live in a society that continually chooses to box us by how we look.

My identity is deeply rooted in my faith. I appreciate the compliments, I focus on the value I can add in the spaces I find myself. Those who choose to focus on my looks, well, that’s their prerogative and I don’t make their opinions my responsibility. A lesson I learned the hard way after being bullied in high school because of the male attention I got. So I agree, it’s not all rosy as the society paints it.

I had to make a conscious decision not to let compliments get to my head because I have experienced both sides of the beauty coin. Thing is, even though I don’t flaunt it, other people still choose to make it a thing.

I have accepted I cannot control what others do; that it’s actually none of my business. So I focus on the things that make me happy and serve my peace of mind and keep it moving.

P.S. growing up in the middle of 4 boys, I didn’t have time to think of my looks. I was more of a tomboy than anything but society kept bringing up my looks. So, it’s not always the fault of the pretty girl that her looks keep being the centre of attention. However, if one is not centred/grounded, it’s very easy for it to get to your head and for you to tie your identity to it. And this is what leads to that unhealthy obsession.

I tried to fight it. I would get offended, especially in workspaces whenever I would be reduced to just my looks but then, I stopped fighting. It was taking too much of my energy yet I couldn’t control other people’s opinions.

Because I know who I am, I would let people have their field day looking me up and down with a smile on my face and when I opened my mouth, I relished on some of the shock that would be displayed shamelessly on people’s faces because apparently beauty and brains is not expected. 😎

I am grateful that I look the way I do. It is the body that allows me to move around the world. In the same way that I refuse for what I do to define me, is the same way I refuse for my looks to define me. You are entitled to your opinion and I’m entitled not to care about it. (If I knew this in high school, I wouldn’t have dimmed myself based on other peoples insecurities because it didn’t change how I look but it did lead me to battle with depression) #bekind but yeah, just always remember every coin ha two sides. Nothing is all good or all bad. It’s always a mixture. ❤

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Adoyo Molla

Adoyo Molla

writing through life | telling stories that will inspire, challenge and shift mindsets around relationships, self-mastery & personal finance.